she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
