I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
