I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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