My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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