I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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