never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
vagina is talking i cant
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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