he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
