Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
