Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
