Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
