im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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