We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
