i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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