ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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