thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
