Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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