i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
