you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
