get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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