Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
