When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I look better un-naked...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
