Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize