The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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