I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
