You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
