i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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