The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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