a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
