she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
