You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
