I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there was a trapeze. enough said
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
