You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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