She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
