i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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