Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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