If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
