i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My ass is underappreciated
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
