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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
