he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
