I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
