Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
