cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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