can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
