he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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