dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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