The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
