She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
