Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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