is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
