Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
