omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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