Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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