no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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