The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
