I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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